Sunday Night Success

“If cleaning out your closet everyday helps you achieve your dreams then why not clean out your closet everyday?”

The small things matter

This idea has popped up twice in the last two weeks during my coaching sessions: clients brushing off the silly little things they do as if these things have no effect on why they are having success.

“I always run if I write my runs out on a calendar and make sure I have my iPod with me. Silly things like that.”

And,

“I cleaned out my closet and got this burst of energy. If only I could clean out my closet before every challenging task I have to do.”

If scheduling and listening to music help you run then are they silly little things?
If it works then why not clean out your closet every time you have a challenging task?

Pay attention to what works then do it over and over again

It seems like people like to focus on the big things that help them to succeed: training and education, business systems, mastermind groups, coaches, meetings, etc.; while ignoring the little things that could be just as important.

I start everyday of working from home with two cups of coffee. Cup of coffee number one signals: time to hang out with my son and enjoy the morning. Then I get ready for work and grab cup of coffee number two which signals: time to go to the office and get the day started.

Two cups of coffee. Every morning. In the exact same pattern.

Silly? Perhaps. Does it work for me? Definitely.

What parts of your day do you currently consider silly or unimportant that could actually be one of the small keys to your success?

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. – Carl Jung

I made a vision board last week.

When a friend suggested it I had the same gut response I have when the dentist calls to remind me it’s time for a cleaning: Ugh. I spent far too much energy avoiding the Laws of Anything associated with The Secret craze of 2007 to bother with that…I believe I called it…. hoodoo voodoo, t.y.v.m. Goals are like hand knit socks. You won’t get the final product unless you break out the skills.

Yada yada yada she twisted my arm. Until this exercise my only real goal or mark of success was 40 billable hours per week, yet it took me about .03 milliseconds to know exactly what should go onto such a board.

First, a scene from the movie Sliding Doors (which is the visual picture I have in my head of life as a successful contractor).

I wanted to represent yoga, somehow. I searched high and low for a picture of a happy team, representing the team I want to build to run my business. I added the words “leader” “motivation” “enthusiastic” to remind me of the qualities my business will represent.

At the last second I added a picture of my friend’s drawer of hand-knit socks (It was sort of a joke to myself. I love hand-knit socks but have rarely succeeded in knitting a PAIR of two).

This is what my vision board looks like:

Do they work? My friend who twisted my arm into this exercise swears they do, and the first year of her business all the concepts represented on her board were achieved or exceeded.

The concept behind vision boards is best explained in a 2007 Newsweek article “Decoding the Secret”

“Even a serious academic like Harvard psychologist Carol Kauffman is willing to credit the idea that you can change your life by consciously directing your thoughts in a positive direction. “Basically, it’s chaos theory,” she says. “I don’t think you can actually attract things to you. But if you’re profoundly open to opportunity, then when ambiguous events occur, you notice them. I think what positive thinking does is raise your consciousness to possibilities so they can snag your attention. We’re starting to see some empirical studies on that now.”

Here’s what I know, living one week with my vision board:

I love it.  It’s nice to look at.  I feel like it’s an extension of me, a snapshot of my future.  It’s made me excited to reach my goals.   Last week was my best & most productive week yet.   Also, I quite independently (or so I thought) on Monday I had a bright idea:  I cast on a new sock  started knitting a new pair of socks in a pattern I’ve felt intimidated by for some time. (this one)

A more spiritual approach to making your vision happen check out Alberto Villolo.

Here’s a link to a good, basic how-to on making your vision board.

I’d love to know what images you use for yours, or if you’ve made one, did you reach the vision you wanted?

A number of years ago one of my favourite authors, Douglas Coupland, came to Calgary and my wife and I attended his reading.  His quirky perspective on life has always given me food for thought and comfort.

After he had finished his reading and explaining where the impetus of the book came from he decided to take some questions from the audience.

One such question was, “If you were able to go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice on how to live your life what advice would you give?” Interesting question, no?  So this accomplished author with creativity as big as the sky thinks long and hard about his answer.

His response – “I would tell myself,”When times seem tough and the moment seems to be crumbling in front of your eyes go grab a snack.  You are sugar crashing. Eat a granola bar and then see if that makes your situation better.”

The audience thought it was a throw away comment and laughed, in all honesty, I did too. In fact as my wife and I walked back to the car I told her how I felt that his comment seemed glib.

Years have since passed and I have since continued to read his books.

But as I have gone through my life his advice has stuck with me.  And when there were times that I thought I couldn’t handle the stress or didn’t think there was a solution to the problem that was in front of me instead of falling into despair – I ate a granola bar. Sure enough in 10 or 15 minutes I felt better and in turn solutions began to reveal themselves.

Turns out his advice that I thought was too simple was actually great advice.

So if the next time your are struggling in the moment go grab yourself a healthy snack and see if that makes your outlook better.

PS.  My favourite book of his is Girlfriend in a Coma.  Check it out.

For another great post about tools that you can add to your success toolbox check out this post.

The B-word

About a year ago I had a bad day.  I’d been in a funk for a few weeks and this particular day was riddled with the small stuff.  My childhood favourite, Alexander, could have easily classified it as a Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.  I arrived home (late, again) from work and I was a weepy, stressed out mess.    Instead of pacing the rooms unproductively, I sat down, I took a deep breath and I changed a habit.

I wrote down each item that contributed to my foulness and I turned it around with the ‘b’ word: But.

I heard once that the b-word in a sentence nullifies the part of the sentence it precedes.  For example:

“I really want to join you for dinner but…”

“We love your enthusiasm, but…”

You can finish these sentences yourself because everybody has experienced that sinking-stomach feeling.  The b-word practically serves as a grammatical air-raid siren.  BRACE! BRACE! BAD NEWS IS-A-COMING!

My  friend and fellow word nerd, George, is a security analyst who studies high-level written communications for their “hidden” meaning.  He describes the b-word as an  elipsis, or Marked by deliberate obscurity of style or expression. We rely on the b-word often and it ranks 22nd in overall usage.

In other words, dear Sunday Night Success friends,  I challenge you to try these SIMPLE  b-word rules for one week and see what effect thinking about HOW YOU USE one simple word in your vocabulary has on how your outlook. 

1. Reverse the But

Using the examples above, see the effect of the message by switching the previously negated fragment to after the b-word

“We love your enthusiasm, but we’re not going to hire you.”

becomes

“We’re not going to hire you but we love your enthusiasm!”

and

“I really want to join you for dinner, but I’m washing my hair”

becomes

“I’m washing my hair, but I really want to join you for dinner!”

Do you feel the optimism and love, people?  Simply reversing the but completely changes the perception of the message from negative and stomach sinking to optimistic and encouraging.

2. Replace the b.word with “and”

George kindly points out that in some cases but can easily be replaced with “and”.  I have a major pet peeve when people excuse themselves by using the b.word to sell themselves short.   For example:

“I tried to complete my action items but it was too cumbersome.”

becomes

“I tried to complete my action items and it was to cumbersome.”

See the ownership?  As an exercise in remaining positive replacing the b.word with “and” gives a statement ownership   Imagine this sentence:  “I sold my company but cleared 3 billion dollars”   Doesn’t make sense, does it?  Remember this rule: OWN THE AND! Kick the but!!!

3. Fill in the Blank but

This tool is best saved for those terrible horrible no-good days, like I described at the beginning of my post, when you really need to pull your optimistic boot-straps up.

On that day last year, I applied it to my so-called woes and immediately saw a result.  Use the b-word to give yourself perspective about those piddly little things that are holding your mojo down.   Here’s the formula:

<piddly thing holding your mojo down> but <fill in the blank*>

note: this blank must be a 180 degree turn from the piddly thing.   Even if you write “but I DID NOT GET HIT BY A BUS TODAY!!!”, because you feel like everything else that  could happen, did.  That’s fine!   The point is that if NOT getting hit by a bus is the BEST thing that happened to you, then YOU ARE BEING OPTIMISTIC relative to everything else.    (also that is one heck of a bad day).

Some examples from my notebook that evening last September:

“I cried almost all day but I didn’t wear mascara so it wasn’t a perfect disaster.”

“I spent far to much money today but I had lunch with one of my favourite women.”

“Work is SO STRESSFUL, but I noticed my boss is still wearing the earrings I gave her for her birthday last week.”

See?  The 180 degree turns are things I told myself to make me feel happy and optimistic, though they’re probably meaningless to average Joe. (aha! I edited that sentence when I realized it was an inconsistent use of the b.word!).

I hope you get the results I did thinking about the b.word.    On my way to work the next day,  I lost my wallet and instead of freaking out, crying, and sobbing I took a deep breath and said “…but there wasn’t very much money in it.”   Well, it was found by a neighbor (who has since become a great friend).  The same day I discovered $80 I didn’t know I had AND I won a much-needed new suitcase, which was perfect because I was about to leave for a vacation in New York City.   While it’s true these things probably would have happened if I hadn’t reverse-butted myself out of my funk, BUT I don’t think I could have been more grateful for them.

Check out this post for more help with being optimistic.

Jocelyn is blogging her way to ultimate meaning at  HYPERLINK “http://www.sittingonmyhands.com” www.sittingonmyhands.com Sometimes she #reversebut on twitter http://twitter.com/Jocelyn_

Today’s post isn’t rocket science. In fact, it is an easy concept that you would think is obvious to everyone. However, I never did it until recently, and when I have talked with friends and family they have been equally surprised and enchanted with the whole concept:

Ask for what you want. You might just get it.

How did I come upon this ‘amazing’ truth that so few seem to use in their everyday lives?

Financial Blogs

I first came across this idea while reading posts on how to be frugal and save money on The Simple Dollar and Get Rich Slowly. Both blogs, at different times discussed the idea of haggling for discounts at stores, and the fact that you have nothing to lose. The worst thing that can happen is the sales person says no.

With these posts fresh in my mind I went on a shopping trip to Spokane and decided that every time I made a purchase I would try and get a discount on the price of the item and see what happened.

In the end, every single sales person said no, and stuck to their price. Haggling didn’t work once. However, I believe there is always something to learn from every experience, and, in this case I learned something very important:

Asking for the discount was easy, and harmless

Expanding the idea

With this new realization in mind I started thinking about my life in general and all of the times I thought about something I wanted to ask someone but never did. I had an “aha” moment:

When I didn’t ask I had absolutely no chance of getting what I wanted.
If I did ask there was a probability, even if small, that I would get what I wanted.

So, why not just start asking? (I told you this wasn’t rocket science)

A serious test

Recently I put this “groundbreaking” concept of asking for what I want to the test. Andrea Lee was offering a year long telecourse on Thomas Leonard that included classes, coaching calls, and new books of Thomas Leonard’s ideas that she would be publishing. I had just paid for my coach training with the ICA and had no money to spare on this course, but it really interested me. I decided to try out the “ask for what you want” method and sent her an email.

The email explained a bit of my background, my money situation, and why I was so interested in taking her course. Then I asked for what I wanted:

“Is there any type of work that you need done for the training or your company that I could assist with in order to “barter” for my entrance into the program? I am open to any suggestions.”

I admit I was nervous to be so bold, but I hit send. What did I have to lose?

The response

Six days passed with no response and I figured I was out of luck. Fair enough, it was a long shot and it didn’t work out. The best part was that the lack of response had no effect on me. I had lost nothing, in fact, I felt empowered because I took the chance and at least tried to get what I wanted. I felt way better about asking and not receiving than I did about just thinking about what could have been.

On day seven after sending my request I opened my email and was surprised to see a response from Andrea Lee in my inbox. I clicked it open and was amazed to read:

“Hi Jeremie, thanks for your great request. I am thinking that yes there may be something we could work out.”

The rest is history. I have been volunteering for Andrea’s Best of Thomas Project for almost two months now. The benefits I have received have been great:

1. I have gained a great deal of knowledge and insight into Thomas Leonard’s writing.
2. I have attended some interesting and powerful teleclasses.
3. I received my first two newly published books written by Thomas Leonard.
4. I made a connection with Andrea Lee, someone who is very successful in the field I am just getting my start in.
5. I have gotten to connect and work on projects with Tina Forsyth at OnlineBusinessManager.com.

It all worked out

All of this happened because I asked for what I wanted. Think about it, even if this concept only works 10% of the time, or even 1% of the time; you are ahead of where you would have been if you never asked.

It isn’t rocket science, it isn’t difficult in any way, so why have you never done it?

Do it right now. Think of something you have wanted to ask someone, write it down, commit to asking, then send the email, make the phone call, or walk up and ask that person for what you want.

You have nothing to lose, and so much to gain.

Let me know who you are going to ask, what you are going to ask, and how it turned out.

A nemesis is “an opponent or rival whom a person cannot best or overcome”. All of the cool heroes have one, some even have an arch-nemesis, so why can’t regular people have a nemesis as well?

It happened by accident

This idea has its origin in a trip my wife and I took a number of years ago. We drove our Volkswagen van around Idaho and British Columbia for the summer, mountain biking along the way. During the course of the trip we had a few van pitfalls: doors not unlocking, engine overheating, electrical fires; the usual Volkswagen van issues. Some of these issues were resulting in some fairly heated discussions (alright, we were fighting) and putting a bit of a damper on our trip.

During one of our vehicle breakdowns, I believe it was the electrical fire, things were about to start getting heated when I blurted out, “it must have been the banditos.” Needless to say my wife was taken off guard by the comment and we both started to laugh (while making sure the fire was out under the dashboard).

I hate sombreros

For the rest of that trip, and for many hiking, camping, and biking trips after that we have avoided many of our heated discussions by blaming things that go wrong on the banditos, and it instantly lightens the environment and helps to avoid problems. Our inside joke has entered into other parts of our lives as well: when we wake up in the middle of the night and think someone is downstairs, it’s the banditos; when I sent my wife on an engagement scavenger hunt it was because I had been kidnapped by banditos.

You get the picture.

Something to use in everyday life

This has been a useful tactic for my wife and I too add a bit of fun to stressful situations we encounter, and could be a useful tool for you as well. If you think long enough I am sure you can think up your own nemesis:

Lost a computer file? Damn those vampires.
Stuck in traffic? It must be those pesky robots.
Lost your keys? Those disturbing smurfs must be at it again.

The point is, sometimes (lots of times) we take ourselves, and our circumstances far to seriously. So, create yourself a nemesis and make those stressful moments in your life a game instead of a problem.

Let me know what nemesis you create for yourself, or, if you think this post is crazy, let me know that too (of course if you criticize me you must be in it with the banditos)

Check out other helpful posts in my Success Toolbox

Physics, buckets, and positive energy

When I am teaching or tutoring high school students in physics I use a bucket analogy to help my students understand the difference between gravitational potential energy and kinetic energy (if interested in the full physics analogy let me know). As a recovering pessimist I am always looking for ways to improve my outlook on life and be more positive in all of my daily interactions and relationships. While explaining this analogy one day I realized that I could adapt it and apply it to my state of mind each day so that I could keep track of how I was feeling and how I was responding to my environment.

It works like this

1. The bucket can be filled with positive (blue) or negative (red) energy.
2. Positive responses during the day fill the bucket with blue.
3. Negative responses during the day fill the bucket with red.
4. Positive responses cancel out negative responses.
5. During the day the bucket can be overall blue (more positive), overall red (more negative), or neutral (equal positive and negative responses).
6. By the end of the day the colour left in your bucket gives you an overview of how you responded to circumstances during your day.
7. My goal is to have more blue in the bucket as many days as possible.

Over the course of the day this analogy lets me quickly assess how I am responding to the activities I face each day. I simply ask myself “What colour of a day am I having?” If the answer is a blue day I am being positive and from there it is usually fairly easy to continue on a blue pathway. If the answer is a red day I am being negative, and I know I need to change my focus and work harder on being more positive and filling the bucket with blue.

An example

Hopefully an example will help make the process clear:

Driving to school I manage to spill my coffee and roll my eyes wondering why these things always happen to me (definitely a negative response so one unit of red goes in the bucket. I mentally score my day so far as “one red”)

I get to school and have a student waiting for math help. Still groggy I comment to the student that they should not have left getting help so late. (another negative response so one unit of red goes in the bucket. I mentally score my day so far as “two red”) Now, I know my day is heading in the wrong direction so I mentally tell myself to smarten up and get some blue in the bucket.

A student asks the same algebra question for the third time, I give him a big smile and explain that for some people it takes a few tries and I help him out. (a positive response so one unit of blue goes in the bucket, this cancels out one of the red units. I mentally score my day as “one red”)

The peer tutor in the class is sitting and chatting with two students, completely off topic, instead of helping them. I call her over and ask her to mark some quizzes for me. (a positive response, so one unit of blue goes in the bucket, canceling out the red unit. I mentally score my day as “even”)

During break my wife calls and mentions that the car needs $300 worth of work at the dealer. I know we don’t have the money but realize it isn’t the end of the world and we can pay it off next month. (a positive response so one unit of blue goes in the bucket. Mental score “one blue”) I am now back on track for the day and from here will hopefully continue being positive.

By the end of the day I have a total of four negative responses and nine positive responses. My overall score for the day is “five blue”, I am feeling good, and I have had a positive day.

So, there you have it, positive thinking via “The Bucket Method”. As I write this it seems a bit complicated and maybe not all that useful (a negative response, I just got myself one unit of red) but it works well for me and will hopefully help someone else out there with being more positive (look at that positive, a unit of blue, I am back to even).

What analogies or symbols do you use to help with your outlook each day?

Check out the last Success Tool: Pessimist – Optimist Tables.

The pessimist persists

I have spent a great deal of my life as a pessimist, definitely a glass half empty kind of person. Recently I have had a lot of great things happen in my life: I am living part of my dream by recently moving to a small mountain town, I have a 17 month old son, and I am more financially stable than I have ever been before. However, even with all of these positives I still tend to drift towards the negative side of things too quickly when something goes wrong.

The pessimist can help

This is something I have started to work on aggressively in my life and in this past year and a half I have started to achieve some success towards this goal, but I found, in most cases, that the pessimist was still there. I have read positive thinking books, success books, and books on coaching and all have helped me to improve my outlook when things go south. Yet still, he was always there, the pessimist never left. So, in a way, I gave up and the pessimist gets to stay, but I have managed to trick him, because now, the pessimist doesn’t work against my positive thinking, he helps out.

Using pessimism to become positive

How? Now, whenever I am faced with a situation that is getting me down and I have a choice between going the route of the optimist or the pessimist I try to look at the situation from both perspectives. I allow the pessimist to have a look and comment, but then, I give the optimist a chance to give some input. In most cases, and it gets better as I use it more often, by comparing the pessimist’s view with the optimist’s view I realize that going the route of the pessimist is a waste of my time and that everything will move forward more quickly, or resolve itself if I follow the path of the optimist.

Pessimist – Optimist table

If I have time I actually write each perspective down so that I can see my choices on paper. For me, as a very visual person, this makes the two choices much more real, much more concrete and easier to see the difference between my choices. However, I can’t always put words to paper when the negative comes knocking so I complete the exercise in my head.

It is quite simple, I just fill out my Pessimist-Optimist Table by answering the following questions side by side:

What would the pessimist do in this situation?
What do I gain from following the pessimist?
What do I lose by following the pessimist?

What would the optimist do in this situation?
What do I gain from following the optimist?
What do I lose from following the optimist?

Optimism hasn’t lost yet

The questions are definitely weighted against the pessimist, but that is the point. By quickly running through the exercise in my head I can change my outlook on a situation and respond in a much healthier and positive fashion. For larger decisions or situations I can take the time to write my thoughts out and show myself clearly that the path of the optimist is always a better choice. I am not perfect by any means, and sometimes the pessimist still blindsides me and gets to run the show, but, slowly, I am making a move towards being an optimist.

I would love to hear what tools or tricks you use to change perspective?