The pessimist persists
I have spent a great deal of my life as a pessimist, definitely a glass half empty kind of person. Recently I have had a lot of great things happen in my life: I am living part of my dream by recently moving to a small mountain town, I have a 17 month old son, and I am more financially stable than I have ever been before. However, even with all of these positives I still tend to drift towards the negative side of things too quickly when something goes wrong.
The pessimist can help
This is something I have started to work on aggressively in my life and in this past year and a half I have started to achieve some success towards this goal, but I found, in most cases, that the pessimist was still there. I have read positive thinking books, success books, and books on coaching and all have helped me to improve my outlook when things go south. Yet still, he was always there, the pessimist never left. So, in a way, I gave up and the pessimist gets to stay, but I have managed to trick him, because now, the pessimist doesn’t work against my positive thinking, he helps out.
Using pessimism to become positive
How? Now, whenever I am faced with a situation that is getting me down and I have a choice between going the route of the optimist or the pessimist I try to look at the situation from both perspectives. I allow the pessimist to have a look and comment, but then, I give the optimist a chance to give some input. In most cases, and it gets better as I use it more often, by comparing the pessimist’s view with the optimist’s view I realize that going the route of the pessimist is a waste of my time and that everything will move forward more quickly, or resolve itself if I follow the path of the optimist.
Pessimist – Optimist table
If I have time I actually write each perspective down so that I can see my choices on paper. For me, as a very visual person, this makes the two choices much more real, much more concrete and easier to see the difference between my choices. However, I can’t always put words to paper when the negative comes knocking so I complete the exercise in my head.
It is quite simple, I just fill out my Pessimist-Optimist Table by answering the following questions side by side:
What would the pessimist do in this situation?
What do I gain from following the pessimist?
What do I lose by following the pessimist?
What would the optimist do in this situation?
What do I gain from following the optimist?
What do I lose from following the optimist?
Optimism hasn’t lost yet
The questions are definitely weighted against the pessimist, but that is the point. By quickly running through the exercise in my head I can change my outlook on a situation and respond in a much healthier and positive fashion. For larger decisions or situations I can take the time to write my thoughts out and show myself clearly that the path of the optimist is always a better choice. I am not perfect by any means, and sometimes the pessimist still blindsides me and gets to run the show, but, slowly, I am making a move towards being an optimist.
I would love to hear what tools or tricks you use to change perspective?
I love this technique, Jeremie! You should remember it when it’s time to write your ICA requirements – it would make a great Power Tool.
My Positivity Week post for tomorrow has to do with my conversion to Optimist (from an Optimistic Pessimist or a Pessimistic Optimist), but I don’t think that means that I have to lose my sarcasm or the experiences that have made me jaded/bitter
What it does mean, though, is that I can get through those experiences and see a big fat light at the end of the tunnel.
This is a great approach. I can relate to it very much also.
It has taken years of work to get control of the negativity that was drummed into me and it is so exciting to see the results of my changes. However, that little negative voice is still living under my skin, cozy and warm, waiting for me. I love the idea of acknowledging it and using it to one’s advantage.
Iris
I love the image of a person’s pessimist snuggling up all cozy and warm waiting to jump out at any opportunity, thanks for that image.
Michelle
I definitely don’t think you need to lose the sarcasm, I know I haven’t. My students often tell me that I show I care through my sarcasm and they get weirded out sometimes if it is missing from my day.
I haven’t taken any powertools yet, but I will keep this in mind when I do, thanks.
Hi! I found you through your answer to Tough Question Tuesday at Michelle Ward’s blog. I loved what you said, and so here I am. This pessimist/optimist post resonates deeply with me. I try to do the same whenever possible, and it really is quite useful, so long as one is somehow able to maintain a calm, third-party observer simultaneously. =)
Really looking forward to reading more.
Cheers,
Emma
Emma,
Thanks for coming over and visiting. The calm third party observer part is definitely a challenge sometimes especially when dealing with my wife, close family, or a situation that affects my family. I think the closer the issue is to what is important to me the tougher time I have with this as I often experience the quick knee jerk reaction in these situations and don’t have time to think it through.
I am working on it though.
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sometimes by being optimistic you can lose a lot.
for instance you see an investment. seems really good at first look. the optimist will in most cases take the deal and bet on it all his money. in many cases the deal is a sham or not as safe as you make think, so the man loses all.
or, another case: you fancy someone. being an optimistic you will say what you feel to that person. If that person is a bad person he can use this as leverage, so that she/he can make you do what he/she wants and not give you something in return.
oh, another thing 99% of auto accidents are caused by optimist, and mostly they die.
so hooray for optimism, but I still prefere being a pesimist
Thank you for the thoughts cyp. I totally agree that extreme optimists can be very dysfunctional and get into a great deal of trouble. However, I think, in the end, extreme pessimists probably suffer from the same results as an extreme optimist.
I am happy in trying to find a balance between the two and moving on from this balanced position.
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