Sunday Night Success

I like golf.

I like the anticipation of the game.  I like setting it up with my friends.  I like getting my gear ready.  I like driving into the parking lot.  I like carrying my gear to the first tee.  I even like paying for the privilege of playing.

There is something about the game that has an allure to me.

Turning my cell phone off and having some “me” time.  Joking around with my friends at the tees.  Watching my friends succeed on the green.  Walking through lovingly manicured courses.  The anticipation that the shot that I am about to take may go where I want it to go.

My problem lies in the fact that I am not good at hitting the ball.  As a lefty golfer I have developed a habit of hitting every drive that I make left instead of straight.  Left into the rough.  Left into the water.  Left into the sand.  And not just a little left – I am shooting left by 45 degrees or more.  :S

What happens after I shoot left?  The first 5 or 6 shots I can usually suppress my frustration but eventually it bubbles to the surface and my day is ruined.  Friends cannot console me.  The joy is gone but I play on like a man walking through a rain storm who is soaked to the bone.

So for a long time I did what any man would do.  I would try harder.  I would try to force my body to HIT THE BALL STRAIGHT!!  I would practice harder and more often.  I would contort my body in ways to make the ball do what I want it to do.  I would turn my body so when I hit it left then at least it would be straight (this made it worse). All to no avail.

I just figured out my problem.

My problem is that I care where the ball goes more than I care about the process for getting the ball there.

Now I have a new plan – focus on the joy of the movement within the shot and stop caring about where the ball goes.  My shot may not improve at all but by changing what I consider success to be I will find peace on the course.  And this is my real success – peace.

Have you ever tried to stick to a work out regime all on your own? Most adults have tried and failed.  Excuses come up about the weather, not enough time, or other pressing commitments that were just too important to put off for another week.  Then we begin to justify – “I will work out extra hard next week” or “I had better rest my (phantom) injury” or “What difference does it make if I miss one work out?”  Soon three or four weeks of excuses and justifications have passed and we haven’t worked out even once.  We feel down and dejected.  Perhaps workout regimes are only for other people.  Maybe we will always be unfit.  Ho hum.  Then we just stop trying.

Sound familiar?

Turns out it is very very common.

So what many people do is get a work out buddy.  This is another person who is interested in getting stronger but also struggles with getting their butts out the door. They support each other.  Firstly they can help with dealing with the small excuses just by knowing that this other person depends on you and you have plans.  Secondly they can support you by getting on your case when you try to use an excuse.  Thirdly when you are struggling they can be a shoulder to lean on.

People find great success at their workout regimes by doing this.  They make great friends that last a life time. And they feel stronger not only physically but also mentally because they proved they can stick to it.

This is what we want to be to each other but instead of focusing on working out we expanded it to any actions you want in your life.

When we commit to each other and support each others action and feelings we all become stronger.

Join us – lets get stronger together.

For another great article on Action Setting check out

7 steps to using accountability for goal achievement

Recovering Pessimist

One of the main areas of personal evolution I have been working on in 2009 is my pessimistic tendencies as well as my tendency to over-react instead of over-respond to situations. For the most part I have had a great deal of success and have become a much more positive person. On my recent vacation we even had a friend that we had not seen for a long time comment on the fact that she noticed I was much more positive.

I have been feeling pretty good about the changes I have made and have had to spend less of my energy focusing on being optimistic; it has started to feel more natural than it ever has in the past.

However, what I forgot is that I am still a work in progress, and that, by not being mindful of my positivity as much lately I have put myself in a position to have a breakdown.

The breakdown

It happened this morning, and it happened in a big way. After returning from our vacation my wife and I discovered that a bottle of soy sauce had exploded in our luggage and our clothes were covered. One thing led to another and the over-reacting pessimist busted out:

I yelled.
I ranted.
I blew things out of proportion.
I made extreme conclusions.
I announced ultimatums.

I lost it.

In terms of my positive – negative energy buckets, in a matter of minutes I filled my bucket with so much red that there is nothing I could have done over the rest of the day to balance it out with blue. In one uncontrolled negative, pessimistic, reactive moment I made sure that my day was red, with no hope of recovering.

You know what….it’s all right

After the dust had settled and my wife and I had separated for a bit I started to reflect on the situation and got ready to beat myself up for the breakdown. Then I realized there was no point in adding negative feelings to negative feelings and send myself further into a downward spiral. I realized it was all right, the breakdown wasn’t the end of the world. I may not have been able to save that day, but I could continue to improve all of the “next days”.

Improving yourself personally is tough work. Improving yourself personally isn’t something that is going to happen overnight, in an instant. Improving yourself is a process that is going to have its ups and downs, and, hopefully, over time there are more ups than downs.

So, instead of beating myself up and reflecting on what had just happened, I went the route of the optimist and started reflecting on all of the moments in the past year where I have succeeded in being positive. By focusing on the positive experiences I changed my attitude to “more positive” instead of “more negative”. I was also able to focus on how being positive made me feel and compare that to how being negative made me feel.

Perspective shift

Then I had the most important realization of all:

if I wasn’t trying to improve myself the breakdown wouldn’t have been a breakdown, it would have been the norm.

So next time you shift back into old behaviours: being pessimistic, having a smoke or a drink, yelling at your kids. Whatever the breakdown is, remember that you are working on it, and that the fact you even had a breakdown means that you are doing better than you were before you were even trying to change yourself for the better. Then, don’t focus on the feelings of the breakdown, concentrate on how you feel when you are having success with your challenging behaviour. This will help you to shift your perspective back in the correct direction.

And you know what? With this attitude in mind, I apologized to my wife, spent the rest of the day being positive, and managed to turn the overall day from red to blue.

What are you trying to improve in your life? What do you do to deal with breakdowns? I would love to know what works for you.