Sunday Night Success

Welcome to a new experiment at Sunday Night Success.

I have recently spent a lot of time writing about the idea of shifting perspectives and looking at everything around you as being an environment that has the potential to support or block your success. To help with this perspective shift I thought it would be a good idea to provide a weekly example of something that I consider to be one of my environments, and briefly comment on why I see this environment as being a support or a block.

Let the experiment begin…..

Weekly Environment – 22″ Monitor

Until recently I have been doing all of my writing on my 13″ Macbook, which, for the most part has been a wonderful experience. However, with my recent increase in writing tasks (both my own and my new contract writing work) sitting at my desk and peering down at the 13″ screen was starting to put a strain on both my neck and my eyes.

A quick purchase of a video adapter and a video cable and I attached my Macbook to an old 22″ monitor I had in my office. The positive change to my environment was instant, and my effectiveness as a writer was affected immediately.

No more strained neck or eyes means I can sit and write for longer periods of time, and I now spend more time in the peace and quiet of my office writing instead of sitting on the couch amidst the chaos that only a two year old son can cause.

As an environment my 22″ monitor definitely supports me in being successful.

What is a piece of technology in one of your spaces that is acting as a supportive environment?

I have been working a lot lately on building supportive environments in my life, with an extra focus on improving my physical environment: the objects and places in my life that are either promoting or blocking my success.

SNS on the road

My wife, son, and I are on a road trip as I write this. This road trip to visit friends and family will take me away from the internet for a few days. This has given me an opportunity to review some of the important environments that I will need to have success while on the road.

Coaching on the road

While driving to Fernie, BC I needed to participate in my supervised coaching class which is a requirement for my upcoming graduation. To do this we stopped in a small town with cell coverage and my wife and son went for dinner while I sat in the car and took my class.

Upon reflection I realized I had interacted with a number of my physical environments, some that supported me and some that need improvement:

Supportive environments

1. Honda Element: my wife and I own a great car that is in great shape. By owning this car I had the confidence to take this important class while on our trip because I trusted that my car would get us safely, and on time, to a town with cell coverage.
2. Cell phone: my cell phone gave me clear reception so that I could hear my class, and hear my client during the class. My client was also able to hear me clearly.
3. iPod Touch: I had my phone numbers, PIN numbers, and call details stored in my iPod Touch which allowed me to be organized for the phone call.
4. Ashlea: my wife was an important relationship environment as she supported me in stopping our trip for 90 minutes and keeping our son busy while I was on the call.
5. Scott: my client, Scott, agreed to be coached during my supervised coaching sessions. Without his support I would not have been able to complete the class.

Environments that need improvement

1. Headset: as clear as my phone made the call the cheap headset I use with my phone is not very comfortable and needs adjusting constantly. I do all of my coaching on the phone so a better, more comfortable, headset will definitely improve my coaching success.
2. Cell phone plan: I am making more long calls with my business cell now that my coaching business is picking up. I have a feeling this call, and the other calls I need to make while on this roadtrip are going to put me over my current minutes. I could also probably use a better long distance plan. Improving my cell plan will save me money and give me peace of mind: adding support to my success as a coach.

Focus on your environments, then design them

Thinking of your physical world as one big support environment, and then breaking it down into all of the little environments is a perspective that most people never consider.

However, for me it has changed my whole outlook for the better. I am spending less time and energy on being successful, because now my environments are working towards my master plan.

I would like to challenge you to start looking at your physical and relationship worlds as a bunch of small support environments. Then, pick one of these environments and ask yourself:

How could this environment be more supportive of my success?

A number of years ago one of my favourite authors, Douglas Coupland, came to Calgary and my wife and I attended his reading.  His quirky perspective on life has always given me food for thought and comfort.

After he had finished his reading and explaining where the impetus of the book came from he decided to take some questions from the audience.

One such question was, “If you were able to go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice on how to live your life what advice would you give?” Interesting question, no?  So this accomplished author with creativity as big as the sky thinks long and hard about his answer.

His response – “I would tell myself,”When times seem tough and the moment seems to be crumbling in front of your eyes go grab a snack.  You are sugar crashing. Eat a granola bar and then see if that makes your situation better.”

The audience thought it was a throw away comment and laughed, in all honesty, I did too. In fact as my wife and I walked back to the car I told her how I felt that his comment seemed glib.

Years have since passed and I have since continued to read his books.

But as I have gone through my life his advice has stuck with me.  And when there were times that I thought I couldn’t handle the stress or didn’t think there was a solution to the problem that was in front of me instead of falling into despair – I ate a granola bar. Sure enough in 10 or 15 minutes I felt better and in turn solutions began to reveal themselves.

Turns out his advice that I thought was too simple was actually great advice.

So if the next time your are struggling in the moment go grab yourself a healthy snack and see if that makes your outlook better.

PS.  My favourite book of his is Girlfriend in a Coma.  Check it out.

For another great post about tools that you can add to your success toolbox check out this post.

The B-word

About a year ago I had a bad day.  I’d been in a funk for a few weeks and this particular day was riddled with the small stuff.  My childhood favourite, Alexander, could have easily classified it as a Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.  I arrived home (late, again) from work and I was a weepy, stressed out mess.    Instead of pacing the rooms unproductively, I sat down, I took a deep breath and I changed a habit.

I wrote down each item that contributed to my foulness and I turned it around with the ‘b’ word: But.

I heard once that the b-word in a sentence nullifies the part of the sentence it precedes.  For example:

“I really want to join you for dinner but…”

“We love your enthusiasm, but…”

You can finish these sentences yourself because everybody has experienced that sinking-stomach feeling.  The b-word practically serves as a grammatical air-raid siren.  BRACE! BRACE! BAD NEWS IS-A-COMING!

My  friend and fellow word nerd, George, is a security analyst who studies high-level written communications for their “hidden” meaning.  He describes the b-word as an  elipsis, or Marked by deliberate obscurity of style or expression. We rely on the b-word often and it ranks 22nd in overall usage.

In other words, dear Sunday Night Success friends,  I challenge you to try these SIMPLE  b-word rules for one week and see what effect thinking about HOW YOU USE one simple word in your vocabulary has on how your outlook. 

1. Reverse the But

Using the examples above, see the effect of the message by switching the previously negated fragment to after the b-word

“We love your enthusiasm, but we’re not going to hire you.”

becomes

“We’re not going to hire you but we love your enthusiasm!”

and

“I really want to join you for dinner, but I’m washing my hair”

becomes

“I’m washing my hair, but I really want to join you for dinner!”

Do you feel the optimism and love, people?  Simply reversing the but completely changes the perception of the message from negative and stomach sinking to optimistic and encouraging.

2. Replace the b.word with “and”

George kindly points out that in some cases but can easily be replaced with “and”.  I have a major pet peeve when people excuse themselves by using the b.word to sell themselves short.   For example:

“I tried to complete my action items but it was too cumbersome.”

becomes

“I tried to complete my action items and it was to cumbersome.”

See the ownership?  As an exercise in remaining positive replacing the b.word with “and” gives a statement ownership   Imagine this sentence:  “I sold my company but cleared 3 billion dollars”   Doesn’t make sense, does it?  Remember this rule: OWN THE AND! Kick the but!!!

3. Fill in the Blank but

This tool is best saved for those terrible horrible no-good days, like I described at the beginning of my post, when you really need to pull your optimistic boot-straps up.

On that day last year, I applied it to my so-called woes and immediately saw a result.  Use the b-word to give yourself perspective about those piddly little things that are holding your mojo down.   Here’s the formula:

<piddly thing holding your mojo down> but <fill in the blank*>

note: this blank must be a 180 degree turn from the piddly thing.   Even if you write “but I DID NOT GET HIT BY A BUS TODAY!!!”, because you feel like everything else that  could happen, did.  That’s fine!   The point is that if NOT getting hit by a bus is the BEST thing that happened to you, then YOU ARE BEING OPTIMISTIC relative to everything else.    (also that is one heck of a bad day).

Some examples from my notebook that evening last September:

“I cried almost all day but I didn’t wear mascara so it wasn’t a perfect disaster.”

“I spent far to much money today but I had lunch with one of my favourite women.”

“Work is SO STRESSFUL, but I noticed my boss is still wearing the earrings I gave her for her birthday last week.”

See?  The 180 degree turns are things I told myself to make me feel happy and optimistic, though they’re probably meaningless to average Joe. (aha! I edited that sentence when I realized it was an inconsistent use of the b.word!).

I hope you get the results I did thinking about the b.word.    On my way to work the next day,  I lost my wallet and instead of freaking out, crying, and sobbing I took a deep breath and said “…but there wasn’t very much money in it.”   Well, it was found by a neighbor (who has since become a great friend).  The same day I discovered $80 I didn’t know I had AND I won a much-needed new suitcase, which was perfect because I was about to leave for a vacation in New York City.   While it’s true these things probably would have happened if I hadn’t reverse-butted myself out of my funk, BUT I don’t think I could have been more grateful for them.

Check out this post for more help with being optimistic.

Jocelyn is blogging her way to ultimate meaning at  HYPERLINK “http://www.sittingonmyhands.com” www.sittingonmyhands.com Sometimes she #reversebut on twitter http://twitter.com/Jocelyn_

I have been experimenting with some methods to help jumpstart my motivation. One of these was a suggestion that came from Jason during the weekly discussions with the group. I was, yet again, struggling with an action that is frequently on my list, because if it wasn’t on my list I would never do it: monthly budget. Blech. I hate doing it, but it is a necessary evil in my mind, as it is obviously important for me to know what I am spending each month, where my money is going, and how much I have coming in and out. It is particularly important to me right now, as I am purchasing a home and need to be very sure as to what I can afford. As I always seem to put off doing my budget each month, mostly because I find it tedious and boring, Jason suggested that I look for the benefit in getting the action done. That meant looking for a reason more meaningful to me than just negative reinforcement (ie: I have to do _____ or else I won’t have ______).

Positive reinforcement, as it turns out, is much more motivating. As the saying goes, you catch more flies with honey… By coming up with a benefit to getting my budget done, ie: if I get the budget updated, I will be more prepared to submit a mortgage application, and the sooner I’ll be able to look for my new home). As it is exciting to be looking for potential homes, just changing the focus of the action to the positive outcome it would bring me made a huge difference in my interest in getting the task done.

I also found that combining this with a previously-mentioned technique, breaking the job into baby steps, helped me to complete the action with greater ease. I began by gathering my monthly pile of receipts and simply sorted them into the appropriate categories. Once I had done that, it was easier to enter each of the piles into my budget spreadsheet, and before I knew it, I was all caught up.

Does anyone else use a similar method, focusing on the pluses, to get themselves through the tough tasks? How about the “baby steps” method? I’d like to hear your comments on what helps you get things done.

What is more positive than a bonus post on a Monday?

I was having a “blah” morning editing upcoming blog posts and needed to lift myself out of a funk, and quickly realized what I had to do. There is one sure fire method I have of improving my mood, and, although it may seem a bit strange to some, it has never failed me. What is my secret?

“Punk Rock Girl” by the Dead Milkmen

For some reason, whether it is the upbeat melody, the bizarre lyrics, or the fact that, really, they don’t sing all that well, this song has always been able to lift my spirits and usually results in me singing along (with equally bad vocals) and generally feeling better.

So, as I listen to another round of “Punk Rock Girl” and am now feeling much, much better I am wondering:

What song helps you out of the “blahs” and turns things positive?